I use Instagram (or simply IG) but I hate it at the same time (the same with Facebook). These social media platforms can sometimes, or most of the times, hint you how fucked up this society is, and that’s gonna ruin your day.
Let’s take Instagram for example, a platform designed for sharing photos. Well, what I’m going to say might be debatable but, “genuineness” or uniqueness in IG is quite rare. The things an IG user will have high regard to will most probably come from IG users they care about in real life or from really popular people who can post about exotic travels, gourmet meals, and designer clothes. But the fear of missing out, and that addictive feeling of making a cool impression to somewhat inspire it in others have pushed a lot of IG users to become cliches, and boring, or sometimes, annoying!
Here are a few cliché, boring, and annoying shots to avoid.
No filter? Seriously?
Posting photos with hashtag NO FILTER, but clearly looks filtered, seriously? Who are you kidding, honey? And some half-wits would post photos from third-party editing applications and then tag them with #NoFilter, seriously? Are you a moron? Who are you fooling? You don’t have to be shy about your acne or whatever’s on your face (or skin). Pretense hurts when it turns
around, honey.
Bathtub Photos
While bubble baths are lovely, honey millions of people might see you and your bubble bath! While bubble are lovely, that won’t stop me from shouting at you and call you: “HARLOT!” The thing about these bathtub photos is that they are everywhere! We’ve seen so many, they all look the same, so help us stop wondering what’s hiding beneath those suds or outside the frame. And what the f!@#$ is your phone doing in the bathtub?!
Pool and Beach Photos
Scrolls down, then, oops, what’s this? A reclined body. There’s the sea. There’s the shore.Then, here’s a reclined body. This one ups the ante because your bikini makes it kosher to include your stomach, hips, and neoprene-clad vulva in the picture. Pretense: “Guys, look at this beautiful ocean or pool!” Subtext: “My sexy legs!” I know what it feels like to bust one’s ass for some lower body tone. You should be proud of it. But if you feel like flaunting your bikini bod on Instagram, do it the service of taking a better photo at a less awkward distance. Remember, you pubic mound is not your public mound.
Lingeries!?
Nothing gets followers and “likes” quite like volunteering your own amateur softcore. It can be as straightforward as striking a pose in a lacy little number or as coy as a picture featuring your pet,
your cup of tea, and, NBD, yourself lounging in panties. People have every right to post photos
of themselves in their skivvies – so long as you don’t violate the app’s rules by flashing a nipple
or more – but I worry like a conservative granny for the girls who do. I’ve stumbled across some
in the 17- to 21-year-old range and I have serious doubts about their abilities to make a
thoughtful choice.
Why do you want to sext the world? Once those pictures are posted, you can
never get them back. That temporary thrill that made you feel sexy and popular might get you
into some trouble later. If you don’t give a damn about what others think of your sex-positive
hobby and have no desire for a career or relationships that can’t forgive a little vivacious vanity,
then I salute you. No one bashed Miranda Kerr for being a Victoria’s Secret model, right? The
difference is that you’re stripping for free, or –even sadder—for “likes.” One word for you, ladies:
Monetize.
Post-Workout Photos
I’ve been picking on girls, so allow me to call out guys for their preferred vanity shot (though
women certainly aren’t exempt). This is a picture to update everyone about how you’ve just
been to the gym. Bonus points if you’re flexing and still have beads of sweat on your skin. Can’t
wait ‘til year 2035 when we have the smell-o-gram app. I’ve skimmed through the accounts of
some dudes who are holding up their shirts to display six-packs in every other photo. Several
thoughts run through my mind, and none of them are, “I’d hit it.”
The Plane Wing One
Stop it. Isn’t it dangerous to be using your cell phone in flight, anyway? Okay, “airplane mode,”
whatever. Stop it.
Latte Art Photos
We’ve seen enough mediocre hearts, leaves, etc. Until you find a barista who can render a
perfect replica of The Last Supper in milk foam, spare us.
The Blurry Party
Aside from celebrating your own face and lunch, Instagram is used for bragging about your
social life. You want to make sure everyone knows that you’re downtown on Friday night getting
sloshed with all your beautiful friends. Anyone’s photography will suffer from the combination of
a dimly lit bar, party people who won’t sit still, and the subtle effect three beers have on hand-
eye coordination. Delete the next objectively terrible picture you take at a party. Or be a true
anachronism by leaving your phone in your pocket and simply have a good time.
Blood and Wounds, OMG!
These range from boring snapshots of not-that-bad bruises to disgusting documentation of
gaping wounds. If I’m happily scrolling through photos of puppies and pretty dresses, the last
thing I want to see is your gnarly scrape/burn/blister/protruding bone. You have my condolences
and I wish you a speedy recovery, but please restrict selfies to healthy body parts.
Notepad? Really?
Once my eyes register a screenshot of someone’s virtual yellow notepad filled with some text
and a bunch of exclamation points, I move on without reading. Instagram is for photos. You also
have the option to write captions. You can also just get a Twitter account
